I have a Christmas carol stuck in my head, but I am confused as to why the shepards guarded while the angels sang. I bet the shepards could carry a decent tune, and I would think that the kid would have been safer with the angels guarding. Hell, maybe if they hadn’t been so busy singing the kid wouldn’t have been wrongly executed by an overzealous Republic.

Just sayin.

[Me] Honey, what are you doing?
[Josh] I have decided to randomly bang nails in to the wall.
[Me] Why have you decided to randomly bang nails in to the wall?
[Josh] BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS.

I think more statesmen should give their arguments via prose. Thank you, Rep. John Dingell.

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House
No bills were passed ‘bout which Fox News could grouse;
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
So vacations in St. Barts soon would be near;

Katrina kids were nestled all snug in motel beds,
While visions of school and home danced in their heads;
In Iraq our soldiers needed supplies and a plan,
Plus nuclear weapons were being built in Iran;

Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell;
Americans feared we were on a fast track to…well…
Wait— we need a distraction— something divisive and wily;
A fabrication straight from the mouth of O’Reilly

We can pretend that Christmas is under attack
Hold a vote to save it— then pat ourselves on the back;
Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger
Wake up Congress, they’re in no danger!

This time of year we see Christmas every where we go,
From churches, to homes, to schools, and yes…even Costco;
What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy,
When this is the season to unite us with joy

At Christmas time we’re taught to unite,
We don’t need a made-up reason to fight
So on O’Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter, and those right wing blogs;
You should just sit back, relax…have a few egg nogs!

‘Tis the holiday season: enjoy it a pinch
With all our real problems, do we honestly need another Grinch?

So to my friends and my colleagues I say with delight,
A merry Christmas to all,
and to Bill O’Reilly…Happy Holidays.

Here are some interesting things I have learned about the holiday tradition of roast goose:

- It dates back to the Celtic Samhain and Germanic Yupe. This is our Halloween, which, of course, we celebrate with candy. When the Romans occupied Europe, everything got moved back to late December.

- Roast goose was an offering for the harvest, a sacrifice to the spirit of vegetation and to the gods Odin and Thor.

- Ritually eating the goose ensured regeneration of the entire planet come spring.

- Turkey was first brought from the new world to Spain in 1519, and took centuries to become interesting.

- Goose is meant to taste richer and more succulent than turkey.

- Fois Gras, motherfucker.

Our research indicates turkey supplanted the Christmas goose in Britain because it was (at first) novel and expensive. Traditionally, the best foods are served for the highest holidays. As economics changed and turkeys became affordable it was readily adopted by the middle and working classes. Turkey was always more popular in America simply because it was readily available.

If you need more information please let us know.
——————-
Lynne Olver (IACP), editor
The Food Timeline

We have decided that for Christmas dinner we will go uber-traditional and cook goose. The problem is, apparently no one cooks goose anymore. Not the butchers at the store. Not my grandmother’s recipes from her long life. Not the magazines proclaiming how to have the bestest Christmas ever. Only the internet retains the secret ways of The Christmas Goose.Which is kind of ironic, if you think about it.

Gee: In the old days, the Italians wouldn’t bury a suicide in the graveyard or consecrated ground. They’d take the body out of the village and dig a hole at the point where two roads crossed. Il duce da crue da vie. The crossroads. The Italians believe that if someone should come to the crossroads and choose to end his life, that he should be buried with those that have the strength to go on, could walk over him.

Bolander: The Italians are an unforgiving lot.

Gee: I know, but we make great pasta. It balances out.