This is the single greatest article ever written in THE HISTORY OF JOURNALISM.

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

hehehe. “Exhibit One, your honor! My tiny penis.”

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa

hahahahaha! Like purse snatching, you’re just walking along, when someone from behind runs up, grabs your penis off your shoulder, and absconds with it!

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week

HAHAHAHAHA

Oh man, when I finish my journalism degree, I am marching right down to the Associate Press and offering to be their Magical Disappearing Penis Correspondent.

Amusing, but not as good as the original.

I am, however, glad some one is getting fucked.

I got home from PT this morning in time to catch the end of Sesame Street. I came in just as The Count was finishing up, and telling us that today’s number is 0.

Zero.

That’s a very abstract concept for the Sesame Street crowd, isn’t it? I wish I had gotten home in time to see The Count choose the number, because he always counts all the numbers before it, so how’d he reach zero? The segments about the number were all subtraction, like you have a bowl full of sugar cubes but a horse ate them and now you have ZERO.

Subtraction is depressing.

I suck at teh posting. But! Good reason! I decided to do the other wall, like I was talking about, and a couple weeks ago, I was painting and took a VERY GRACEFUL FALL from a chair. Why was I on a chair painting? Because I am too cheap to buy a ladder.

Anyway, sprained my wrist and thought I had pulled a muscle in my shoulder. The wrist pain, due to a wrap and ice, was shortly gone. The shoulder pain persisted, and I kept heat and ice and Icy Hot on it, even got a massage. It still hurt, but what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do when your entire arm, from shoulder to finger tips turns numb?

If you are me, you ignore the pain until the numbness kicks in. And persists for 12 hours. Then you go to the ER, because shit ain’t right.

The ER gave me x-rays of my shoulder, two vicodin (cheap skates) and a sling. And a referral to an orthopedic surgeon, citing a rotator cuff injury. That was Friday. On Monday I saw the OS, who called the ER “retards” for not inspecting my neck, shouted “Sarah! X-ray her neck!” and then declared my neck “pissed off.” I start physical therapy tomorrow. Oh, and I have some muscle relaxants to help me sleep.

All of which is off topic. I finished the second wall! Pics tomorrow! And I’ve also decided to do a Grecian crackle in my bedroom. That’ll be fun.

Sunday I attended Election Worker training. I can now easily hack an iVotronic voting system.

Please give me ideas for my forthcoming 30th birthday. Megan had a neat idea: A wake, a funeral for my twenties.

Also, “Across the Universe” is an amazing film, that I demand all of you watch.