A Brief Dissertation on Sesame Street…
I found the Zero episode of Sesame Street. It features a 0 puppet, with a whiny Jewish voice, so terribly upset at being NOTHING. Big Bird and Alan and Tully try to make him useful, but like the Woody Alan he’s meant to be, he whines and sings and whines, and then, very un-Jew like, decides to become a pig.
Grover and the Worms need a 0 for the count down to launch WASA, but the whiny faggot puppet will have none of it, until Big Bird, ageless cheerer of all bad moods, convinces Zero to do it. Out of Jewish guilt, he does, and the worm rocket launches. Zero becomes a hero saying “It really is something being nothing.”
I am 16 minutes in to this and I feel like slitting my wrists. Or Zero’s wrists. Or giving him some Prozac. Damn, Zero is just DEPRESSING.
A brief interlude song to tell children they are important. This is why I watch Sesame Street! It’s happy and uplifting!
Then Elmo counts his friends and they disappear. And now Kermit is on here? What? Introducing some singer singing about friends. Where did Kermit come from????
Now we go to Action Jackson, a CGI kid in a wheelchair. Because we can’t find any of those in real life. The girl with legs learns An Important Lesson ™.
Oh!! It’s the Count!!! “Hello, it is I, the Count! I am called the Count because I love to count! And also because I inherited my father’s Royal title.” heee. Sesame Street makes me laugh. But his organ disappears! Because he can not play and thus count THE NUMBER IS ZERO!!!
This existential question, bugging me for weeks, is finally solved.
Thus we enter in to the subtraction depression I described before. Your room is a mess but if you put the toys in the toy box you have ZERO toys on the floor. You have a bowl full of cherries but someone eats them and now you have ZERO.
Oh, Christ, and the letter of the day is I. I 0. I0I0I0I0I0I0I0.
Um… and now Ernie’s throwing a gay disco party in the apartment, upsetting Bert’s book reading. I wish I was making this up. Seriously, Sesame Street is way meta, and all adults should watch it. Also, commercial free!
A skit about The American I, a take off of American Idol, with Oscar the Grouch as Simon Cowell and the part of Paula Abdual played by a barking dog puppet. They vote the host as the new letter I. What was I saying about meta?
Then Elmo comes along to sing about banana’s for some reason, and I realize this show makes a fuck lot more sense when I am half asleep.